Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety. This is what comes to mind for me as I step out of my comfort zone into the unknown.
For the last seven years minus a month or two I have owned and operated a yoga studio. In essence it has become my comfort zone, as strange as that might sound. To go out on my own, with one focus to teach without the other responsibilities of studio management and ownership scares me. It scares me because what if I fail? What if teaching alone is not enough for me, what if I succeed and this is all I need to keep my cup filled. These are the questions that constantly run through my mind over the last month in deciding whether or not to sell my part of the empower studio. A huge scary decision. A decision I have pondered and obsessed over for weeks, has increased my anxiety, caused me many sleepless nights, and lots of tears.
I spend my days and evenings teaching about integrity and authenticity, and being in alignment with one's own needs and desires, and for months I have been living in a fog, swelled up by stress of studio ownership. As I hope know one but my significant other has truly noticed the effects of all this stress, I have felt its heavy weight and it has left me feeling less then present with my students and my family. Then just a little over a month ago a fellow teacher approached me about studio ownership, and if at any point I was interested in relinquishing it, that she would be interested in purchasing it. At first the ideas sounded ridiculous how could I possibly give up what I created, what I had put so many hours and sleepless nights into. So much hard work! Then I recalled my teacher saying to me, to surrender is to be powerful, it is not a weakness or a sign of failure. So I began to ponder this idea, of giving up the stressful parts but keeping the parts I love and have grown to cherish, teaching students and helping others grow into their own authentic selves. I began to think what is possible if I step away from ownership and just focus on teaching? I began to ponder about all the things I could manifest with the new space I would have, I could tap into my creativity, create more workshops, trainings, and retreats and have the ability to connect with so many more beautiful yogi’s.
So I have decided to practice what I preach. To surrender, to let go of ownership right now and focus on what lights me up, and to be true to myself. Surrendering is scary, but I also believe it is powerful, and I committed to myself years ago when I first embarked on my yoga journey that I would always be powerful, and stay true to myself, to practice what I preach. So I am making a choice, taking a chance, and ready to embark on this change and I am excited for what is next.
Not that long ago this pose (crow - Bakasana) terrified me. Now I love the lightness the pose brings to body, and the feeling of strength and confidence it brings to my spirit. Each time I have stepped outside the lines of my comfort zone I have grown. I am looking forward to the journey that lies ahead, and the ability to continue to soar!